Disgusting

how you own the couch and the tv is your nightly company
how you engorge in chocholate and candy, all hidden cuz you wouldn't dream of sharing.
PIG is how i see you. i hope to not be like you. alone, alone and fat.

i blame you for dragging me down to your level.
when you were depressed, you used me as your company; where i learned all your dirty habits
i hate that you never encouraged me, you cried when i said i was depressed. YOU CRIED. its about how my actions make you look.
i hate being sober around you,
i hate when you talk to me
stop.

and im afraid i'm already so much like you.

the word "pal"

to:you
please do not refer to me as your pal anymore
one more time and i'm going to scream
you have made it clear that i "never had a chance"
and i do not need that constant "pal" to rub it in
from: me

my friend ilona. <3

i know it's hard to read... but i don't want to repeat the kicker of the whole shabang.

ilona is golden with her comments. if only i had that cleverness about me

I feel as though i have put myself out-there with this certain indivdual and each time my hopes come crashing down. No matter how strongly i believe that there are feelings that are mutual between us, it just doesn't happen. And for me, i have never been this certain before... how could my instincts be so wrong?

We got the closest we've ever been a few nights ago, and i thought about having a casual relationship with this indivdual i thought it was gonna be one of those things which went
withouth saying it. no such luck.

I got this poem in our whole mess tho:

3. To disappoint the hopes or expectations of;

Not too long ago, on a cold night our bodies lay warm
In the heat of the moment, my search led to you
And as minutes accumulate into hours
Passion prevails, I’m lost in fantasy tonight

I’ve had lots of practice, so I know all the right words
To embed in my responses, and intensify our dialogue
By telling you all that you’ve ever wanted to hear
I filled your heart with a heavy feeling

Oh darling, I’m the predator and you’re the prey
…you never had a chance

And you don’t have to tell me, I already know…
My sincerest of apologies are falling short
Your silence is speaking that much

Although, I wished not to shed any tears
I can tell, I’ve done something worse
Just know, you’re not a fool…
I am
------

i always make up reasons in my head to justify the actions of others. For this; he must've only did what he did because he knew it would be the only time he could get it because of the current relationship he is in. i told him that i hate how he's happy. i'm a horrible person.

Rear View Mirror

I just saw this thing on the news that said, "want to know what you're child is really doing behind the wheel of their car....we'll tell you how, tonight at 6."

Think about it!!? I'm sure you've done some things you don't want your parents to know about. I'm a pretty innocent girl, but behind the wheel of the car..... from sex to drugs.
i think both part of my secret life.

just think about it.