is it alright if i still call you baby?
cause baby i’ve been missing you
missing the way you held me. oh you made me feel so much in those moments.
remember the time your embrace made me swell up with tears? you felt it.
missing how your kiss made me feel.
god damn ryan
i can’t stop thinking about you.
and how we didn’t get a fair chance.
our love would have been over the hill.
it already was.... and we were only half way there.
please baby....

you are the boy who blocked his own shot.
can’t listen to that song
....especially acoustically.
why are you all these things to me?

...you can tell me how vile i already know that i am. still can’t believe you made me repeat that line to you.
i love you.
i love you.
i love you.
i miss you.
i need you.

it hurts a whole lot. but is missed when its gone.
i can’t forget.
do you want me to forget?
i can’t believe these songs are about us. god, you are so beautiful.
what we had was beautiful and sad.....
i want to tell you. but i can’t.


god what is wrong with me?
listening to every song that makes me think of him
makes me cry and remember everything i need to forget.....

why is he so perfect.
why can’t i express myself right

where are you?
i need you.

you’re right. i am always sad.
just always thinking
constantly let down
hate my reflection
my face...my body
hate faking it
alone...so alone.
dependent

everyone gives up on me.
and i can tell you’re next.

im starting to give up on myself
thinking about death daily
just getting it over it

happiness surrounds me
i just can’t get there

i believe in people too much
and nobody believes in me
tried to stop caring, it’s almost immpossible

why don’t you care?

you’ll discover my blood

i just can’t anymore.
living my life is a sad pathetic one
and i don’t want to bring you down along with me.

this is for me.
not because i’m selfish
i tried, i really did
just can’t deal anymore.

so sad here.
im sorry

i can’t stop listening to everlong.
i have it on repeat
this song is gorgeous,

throwin yourself into and out of the red....

come down and waste away with me


slow how you wanted it to be.... im over my head, out of my head she sang

and i wonder, when i sing along with you, if everything could ever feel this real forever, if anything could ever be this good again.....

you gotta promise not to stop when i say when she sang.

oh...this song is gorgeous.

it makes me weep for you.

another song you made possible for me.

i wish we could be on repeat.
the feelings i had with you are ones i want to have for the rest of my life.
my god, the way you made me feel.

what does it mean if it feels real?


but i can’t keep holding on.
so im letting go, moving on.

what the fuck am i doing.
you’re just going to crush me again.

and i hate it when you feel that you are hurting me, because it tells me you think what we’re doing is so wrong
but were you really leading me on?
yes you were.

why can’t i grasp that?
if you really wanted to be with me, you would.
stop apologizing. it just makes me feel worse.

-------

oh how i wish he was here.
just to show off.
to see him again.
tempt him again.
but how wrong that would be.

maybe i could finally feel
-- how hard that would be.
to be tempted from him.
paralysis.

from those lips.
i want to feel.
his hands.
all over me.
kisses.

intensity rises.
as do my thoughts
that you were here.
i drip for you.
if i could only feel
oh it’s so beautiful
the thought.

just one night and i’ll forget
you
are all i want.
promises.

havent talked to him in a couple of days.
im doing well. for now anyway. things are always so back and forth with my feelings on this situation.
some days i just want to cry
others i just want to be over it and forget about him and move on to the next one.
the one who will be capable of giving me all the things he couldn't.
he's never going to leave her
this is for the best
.....

when will he start to miss me?
or has he forgotten about me?

time.
will.
tell.

for now, there's nothing i can do.
but miss his eyes and the way he looked at me
and our mid-day rendevous's
oh him.
took my heart and did what he pleased now he can breath easier because its over
while i gasp for air and try not to think. because when i think it's always him.

Dear Hot Topic,


So there was this guy, a real character of sorts. While vacationing in Vegas (i'm from Canada) i bought him a birthday present at the Hot Topic located in the Fashion Show Mall, more specfically a Chiodos hoodie. (because he's an emo boy and would have appreciated that sort of thing....)

Unfortunately(or maybe for the better) it turned out, he's a complete tool and no longer deserves my thoughtful gift. May i please return this hoodie and recieve a full refund? I'd very much appreciate it. I hate seeing it sitting in my room as a constant reminder of what a loser this guy turned out to be.

Thanks.
Vanessa*

i don't want to wake up tomorrow and remember what happend
he had no words
i too many.

he told me he couldnt forget.
is he faking?


im so sad.
just want to break down and cry.

why am i alone.
constantly alone.
just when iwas so close.
here we go again.


:*(

.........