oh, why must you do this to me

do you realize how badly i want to kiss you. how badly i just want to pull myself into you by grabbing onto your collar and just kissing you; hard. you have got me again. and its bad. i knew you could tell, i could read you today, your eyes said so much. they were filled with sadness...as if an apology. you know why you're apologizng. apologizing for making me feel as if im only spoken to when needed... if that's the case, i think that will hurt the most, for getting involved with her again. the one who clearly played you. the girl who got you to buy her things. the girl who went back to her exboyfriend while still dating you...... you are falling for her again. i guess she is your weakness.

and me. im upset over a boy who: barely talks to me at work anymore, spends most of his time lately with HER, and it just makes me sick. how easy it was for her to get back onto his good side.

can't you see.... you are my weakness. you know that you could get me to do just about anything for you....

i never felt as if you were using me... but now that i think of it... i think you are playing me. and maybe you just giave me puppy dog eyes and sometimes did thoughtful things... (making me a cd, calling me after the kegger, asking me to chill.....) to get something in return.
im sorry how i act at work... i do not want to act like that. its just that everyone around is telling me things, i am seeing things i dont like to see. i was so upset when i knew where you were. when you were supposed to be outside 5:15. you made the plans.. and you ditched, last minute to go with her.


i want to bring all this up to you, but there is still a huge part of me that is not willing to accept that the above information and speculations are what they are. i want that hope, just something to be happy about, to make me want to feel like getting up in the morning for. i love our hangouts... i wish there were more.
now that i think of it... i don't know if i want to kiss you. what she is to you, you are to me.

so please understand how hard this is for me......