two boys

i hate waiting for him to message me on msn... so as i wait.... i will write what i'm thinking about.

i am torn between two boys which whom i potentially have no chance with getting further involved with...

boy # 1 : him and i haven't even really met yet. we talk pretty much daily, sometimes for a few hours, we go for months talking this often. there has been, on more than one occaison, times where we did not speak at all.
but we always get back to talking, and have a good time doing so.
so lately, we are talking very very often.... and he's just the type of boy i've had a fantasy about for many years now, and he's almost real. this is the closest ive gotten to a boy with the qualities i've been looking for. his style.... he's very artsy, and is kinda chubby, someone i would love to kiss.....
i can't seem to bring myself to meet him. if he were to ever visit me at work without my knowing, i think the moment our eyes met my heart would drop into my stomach...
i have this strange feeling that the way we'll meet will be by complete fluke...probably after awhile we stopped talking. and he'll be there, and be gorgeous, and i'll be gorgeous. and our eyes will speak to eachother the things we could never bring ourselves to say.... but then his girlfriend enters in the picture.... and we keep on walking with the flow of people.

boy # 2 Jigga : Not only is he the "bad boy" I've always wanted to have a relationship with, he is the type of boy with whom you get creds for hanging out with. he is the type of guy you blaze and chill with, have chill summer nights with... there is something between us. I still think he fancys me, and I'm sure he can tell I'm still into him... but i'm not sure if we could ever "go there" again. The problem here is.... i don't think I get these "creds" for hanging out with him.... he is almost 17..... i am 21. a relationship with him, at the time being, would not be realistic. too many people would talk, and it would eventually turn us against eachother. i would hope him and i could be stronger about the way we will be looked at.... but i think that's what came between us last time. and it really fuct me up. but when i chill with him, i just want to kiss him. he is strong, and smart, he is very people smart, he is chubby, he has STYLE....

these two boys have me strung.
as i come to the conclusion, #1 just messaged me. this should be insteresting considering the text message i sent him earlier today .... (i won't go there tho..)
and Jigga... who i just came home from seeing.... he is online, but no message.